I need somebody crazy enough to tell me I will love you until we are buried.

Tonight I look back on the words of a younger self; the song I wrote to soothe the soul in a time when it was reaching its limit. I share these words in the hopes that they will now have a greater purpose now.

There are people out there who treat you wrong and there are people out there who treat you right.
Don't listen to those who make you feel down and surround yourself with those who love and care about you.
Listen to your heart and follow your dreams and don't get discouraged life is always changing.
It won't be bad forever and it won't always be good but life's just the way it is so just roll with it.

People come and go and hearts are broken and repaired so when the day is bad know the next day will be better.
Be like a ship in the sea just ride out the storm and know tomorrow brings the promise of a beautiful day.
Don't dwell on that which brings you down but on what makes you smile and makes your day.
With life comes pain and sadness but it's all worth it to experience love and happiness.

The question is, "what do you do when you feel blue?"
The problem is not when you're happy but when you're down.
So when you feel sad just lift your head up and stand tall.
Don't let the problems of life ruin your day.

Embrace your pain and failures. In doing so you will acquire a greater understanding of and appreciation for your successes and happiness. Learn to feel as it will allow you to know the greatest beauty in the known universe.

Note to self I miss you terribly.

It's fucking exploding from within. Sometimes I feel as if there is no way to contain this feeling. "Just breathe," I repeat in my head over and over again like a mantra. I somehow believe that a task that is necessary to live will do anything to quell the storm, but I find that there are times when it laughs in the face of those words. Thank fucking God for the ability to be reclusive in times like these. With the rage building inside I find it hard to believe that I would not make victim of the nearest heart.

You were walking so peculiar like you had something to hide.

Conversations rehash thoughts best forgotten. When you are powerless over situations that incite sadness discussing said situations just doesn't feel like the best use of time. I near the point where I have let go of the anger, but find that what replaces it is the heavy weight in my heart. I left it at I hope that which is sought is found, but that I care not to be part of the journey.

The fields are near and I wont trust the air with secrets.

It is rising from within. When I close these eyes I feel her breath on my skin. We all know this pain too well. This feeling, this human condition, is hell.

A fall from grace. Yes, my fate.

A great war is nearing a close and the outcome rests on the shoulders of two men.

"It will be decided right here right now. I am the better of the two of us. I will make you acknowledge me as the superior," says an angry warrior, his eyes glowing red reflecting the burning hatred in his heart. He is of average height but his broad and muscular stature ensures that no man questions his ferocity. His face shows the struggle he faces not just on the battle field on which he stands, but also the battle field within his heart. He has faced many enemies and shows his desire to best those who oppose him and his bitterness to their desire to oppose him. He is a man who will defeat his enemy and get what he wants by any means.

"I have no desire to fight this war. I never have. Please, for your sake, just give it all up. Must you continue to push something of such little importance?" asks his opponent, his eyes glowing a calming white and blue reflecting the tranquility in his heart. He stands tall, towering over many men, with a presence that makes those who are physically bigger than him feel small. Though this may seem fearsome the serene warrior projects a sense of benevolence and the kind look in his eyes has faded so rarely that the sincerity of his heart is unquestionable. The strength of his heart reflects the strength of the warrior. His face shows the wear of many battles just as his opponents does, but somehow his resilience has overcome battles that would forever lock away the heart of any normal man with his still in tact and welcoming to all.

"Stop looking down on me! Do you really think you could beat me so easily that I should just give up?" The young warrior of hatred plants his feet into the ground in an aggressive stance and prepares to charge his enemy.

"No, I think you should give up for the sake of your heart," he replies with a kind smile opening his arms as if to welcome the warrior who wishes to kill him as if he were a brother.

"Cut the bullshit! For the sake of my heart? You were always full of shit! I will show everyone just how fucking fake you really are!" With that the young warrior of hatred charged towards his enemy gaining momentum with every step and becoming filled with so much disdain for his opponent that one look in his eyes could bring about terror to anyone.

The serene warrior looks at the eyes of he who charges with the desire to take his life and somehow shows no sign of weakened resolve; compassion continues to emanate from within him.

Suddenly the warrior of hatred bursts forward with unimaginable speed towards his target and strikes. The battle has been decided in the blink of an eye.

"How?" he asks, on his knees grasping the ground. "How are you stronger? Why are you always better than I am? Why can I never be better?" The warrior of hatred cannot believe what just happened.

"Everything I have I built myself and sometimes with the help of others. Everything you have is not yours but was a creation taken from the hard work of others. I have relied on my own strength, at times the strength of others, and the strength to love while you have attempted to find the easiest way to acquire what you wanted. But in the end it was never a question of who was better to me nor was it in the beginning or the middle," the serene warrior says with benevolence. He reaches down to help the fallen warrior who only smacks his hand away.

"Fuck your arrogance, you fake!"

"It was never a question of who was better to me because in my eyes you and I were always equal just like every one else is with me. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. It is when we come together than we can overcome anything."

Drenched in vanilla twilight I'll sit on the front porch all night.

Though I still feel pain and anger and continue to express it, there will always be love in this heart. Forgiveness is always a bitter pill, but forgiveness of the self is the hardest one to swallow. You and I will never have to fight alone for even if you have no one you will always have me. In spite of all the pain that comes along with life I will never let you drown. Likewise I know that there are people who feel that way about me. Love is the most driving force in the universe and sometimes the most painful and scary force to encounter, but sometimes we find we are brave enough to let a little into our hearts when we need it most. Please don't ever allow yourself to become so consumed with resentment that you forget what it was like to love and be loved.

Brave soldier fight on. I will be the sword that protects you. I will be your armor. You be the will.

Don't you know now is the perfect time? We can make it right hit the city lights.

I can't wait for the day you free your heart from its self-imposed suffering. You are but a beautiful butterfly hiding in a cocoon and one day you will break out of the walls you built for protection and spread your beautiful wings for the world to see. Your smile of true happiness and freedom with a a gift to the world and to yourself. You will finally be able to look in the mirror and realize you really were perfect all along and there was no one that could ever be equal. You are irreplaceable. See it in yourself. I have seen it since the moment I looked through those beautiful windows you called your eyes. Spread those beautiful wings and fly.

Is it you? Is it me? I'm on the edge of my seat. Come on and tell the truth.

These walls surround a torture chamber. No vision is granted from the outside in and no sounds from the inside can reach the ears of those on the outside. The prisoner is alone in his suffering. A solitary cell occupies the space and there he remains fettered. Try as he might he cannot free himself of the shackles and his desperate pleas for mercy only strengthen the resolve of those who hold him captive in the goal to break him. He burns from the inside out. He drowns on dry land and suffocates in the lonely air. His breath is shared only with himself and his slowing heart, riddled with cracks and frayed ends, sinks as no one dances to the beat of the drum. His attempts to free himself only turn into masochistic self-inflicted torture. Breathing heavily he breathes in a deep breath of musty air. Upon release he succumbs to fatigue and closes his eyes hoping that sleep will bring him the only freedom he will find. This skull that surrounds a torture chamber is impenetrable. This mind trapped within these walls finds only deaf ears when crying for help.

Do the words still haunt you? Can you secure it's claim? Bottled up like smoke floating over flames.

I have a song. It's a duet. I have a voice. It is but one voice. What once was mine has been stolen. It has been ripped away. I don't want it back. I just want back those days. I can lose the hate. I can forgive for the pain. I even hope for the best while betrayed. That smile I've seen is not real. I have the displeasure of getting to know such intricacies. This gift is a loving heart. This curse is a loving heart. I plea for assistance from those in whom I have no faith. I hope one day it's real. I hope it's something I never see again. I hope one day you can be there again. It is still unconditional. It's always unconditional. I prove the past. The things I promised and assured I have held true to. I'm told I am wrong. It feels right. I am told I am right. It feels wrong. I am the golden heart. I am the cracks. I am the hope. I am the dreamer. I cannot sleep. I cannot find faith. I trust. I love. I break. I keep no souvenirs. I have the last written words mixed with my own. I have memories of felines. I stand still. I am always moving forward. I have hope. I sing a cappella. I have a song.

Just think of all that life could be if we could only capture what we see.

Love not just on one day but every day. Do so unconditionally and your life will never be lacking in love. Why is this concept so difficult? Why do we fight it so violently? What are we scared of?

I will learn to live again for now I'm breaking; all the things I couldn't mend without escaping.

Fatigue doesn't begin to describe what I feel right now. It's hard to find sleep though when I don't want to find what comes with it. I guess I will just have push on through and hope that what is on the other side is not what has been there for the past few days. Here's to the hope of a new adventure without ever leaving the bed.

I have never been so consumed and I have never loved it more to be devoted to letting all see what it is to live in the love of others.

At times I remember your face and I find myself under storm clouds as they form. The rain falls and I raise my face to the heavens as if trying to talk to you. The words won't leave my lips but I pretend you can hear them anyway. I miss your kind smile.

Listen to words that you have heard over and over again as there is a reason they are often said. Never waste a day you could spend loving on anything but love. Never take for granted the moments we have with others as you will come to learn how fleeting life really can be. Wish on every shooting star. Ride every single wave. Fly with the wind. Smile in the sun. Dance in the rain. Love always.

Do you hear it? The sea is calling 'cause these hands were meant to retrieve the net. My breath grows tighter and tighter when I think of you.

Oh how these bones ache. It could be the changing weather, exhaustion, stress, or any number of things. However, no matter the cause the feeling remains. The same applies in other aspects of life. The situations that we experience are unique to us, but emotions and feelings are universal. The cause of the worst pain one has felt could be completely different from the cause of the worst pain of another, while the fact remains that it is still the worst pain that either have felt. While we continue to try and separate each other via trivialities and the differences in our lives we ignore the similarities that could ultimately bring us closer together; our own humanity. One day we will see this and act on it. One day we will realize the beauty of love. One day we will be truly human.

And I'll hide from the world behind a broken frame, and I'll burn forever. I can't face the shame.

Where did this feeling come from? I swear I had risen high above it. Who is the fucking double agent that let the terrorist through to reap havoc in this land? Grab your pitchforks and go on a witch hunt because we are going to find this fucker and when we do he is going to burn.

For now we wage war and attempt to conquer the enemy from the inside out. That which surrounds you is far less powerful a foe than that which plants its seed within you. Do not lose yourself today for tomorrow when you overcome it all you will find the struggle to hold yourself close to be well worth the pain.

We are war geniuses. Let's show the power we hold inside.

Moon glow, white light will bathe your pillow. Loneliness leaves no shadow. Where did you go? Be cool now. Quietly up and leave you. Must I bee your fool and lead you? How gracious we go.

These visions of night are unwelcome in this blessed temple. Be gone ye demons of the heart. You have no need to be in these sacred grounds. Leave or you shall be removed by force. I will not tolerate you to poison this realm once more. This time I will protect it.

Tell me of the earth. Tell me of your secrecy passed down through the ages.

There are things that we keep hidden within ourselves. There are many reasons we do so such as fear, shame, regret, etc., but sometimes we become blessed enough in life to come across a person with whom we are able to open up the gates that protect our secrets. Sometimes we come across people who provide that safety of knowing that you can tell them the worst of yourself and still love you even if you find it hard to love yourself when facing it. It is terrifying. The level of vulnerability we feel is sometimes overwhelming to the point that you want to sabotage that bond or run from it. When you know that a person can truly see into your heart unexpected fear becomes us as we are faced with the "loss" of safety. In reality we have gained safety, but because bonds like this happen so rarely we reflect the fear of the unknown upon the image of safety and proceed to act in a way we convince ourselves is to protect us. I cannot stress this enough; do not abandon that bond. Hold it close to your heart because there will be times that you need that and even the closest of friends or family cannot understand the feeling in your heart like the one who could see beyond its walls. It's okay to be afraid, but don't let that fear remove such a beautiful rarity in life. I promise you this: if you do so one day you will regret it.

My face to the heavens I waited for a sign, But only cloudy demons were circling in the sky.

As the years go by I begin to realize my own mortality. When I was young I knew that one day I as well as everyone in my life will die, but that day would not come for quite some time. But now forever doesn't seem so far away. I am becoming more and more convinced that when my time comes I will not be ready for it because I will accept death, but that I will only not want to live anymore when living means feeling the tragedy of loss and that death is only the real escape from that pain. Don't get me wrong. I am in no hurry to get there and will not take myself to that land seeing as I still fear it. I only make that prediction based on the fact that it has never gotten any easier and at times has only hurt more.

Now as I face the possibility of loss once more I have to accept that the one I am about to lose is among the dearest in my life. Together we lived and loved. We taught each other lessons and kept each other safe when there was no one else. I don't want you to go, but I can't stand to see you in pain and that makes this so hard no matter what. Last time I saw you I thanked you for keeping me alive all these years. I hope that if your time is truly near that the years until I see you next will come as quickly as the time we shared has passed.

If you leave me now will you please just watch over me and protect me when I need you like you used to? Please continue to help me clean my wounds and show me that I am not alone in this world. Please continue walk by my side as I face my fears and realize my own strength.

This will always be the hardest battle to fight.

This feeling has gone too far and killed two birds with one stone; a terrible love song. You sang it so sweet.

Holy....words escape me now as I try to describe the tidal wave that threatens to devastate my entire being at this very moment. How do I persevere when it hits? I already feel the water receding in preparation for the wall of water that is about to charge directly at me like the Persian army riding into battle on the backs of war elephants. Please let me get through this moment into the next. Please allow that moment to lead into the one that follows. Help me find safe haven for this heart as its wounds are freshly cauterized and bound to burst open like a 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke with a Mentos dropped inside and recapped if I cannot find walls with which to use to protect it in its vulnerable state. Oh God, won't anybody hear my plea for help?

You trade a taste like currency, so blinded by lying here awake at night.

We're losing out on this rare chance to be human. This is our time to shine and yet we hide in the shade. What is it that we look for under the boughs and the leaves? It seems that what we find are neither what we want nor what we need. The search for a place to be is a futile search indeed. To be requires no search. Its only requirement is being. Be mindful of that which you discard when you involve yourself in emotional capitalism. You may find that the apple you received for your wheat depreciates in value far quicker than you anticipated and that there is in fact a scarcity of wheat in these lands leaving the value of your original product to be worth much more than that apple to begin with.

You're brought back but you're running. I'll find sleep in the end tonight. I can't shake this little feeling. I'll never get anything right.

Oh dear dreams, please stay where you belong. This world is not welcoming to your presence. I beg you, don't invade this place. You must remain in sleep, for if you were to become reality I would ensure your death without hesitation.

I stepped I left and I don't regret leaving and I'll never forget all the things I saw that evening; a glimpse of religion a piece of coming closer to understanding more about what intrigues me most. I didn't get turned on I just got turned. I wasn't as aroused as I was concerned for each one of 'em I've hurt and every time I've been burned. I've got a lot to teach but even more to learn. So now I keep my eyes open hoping to take in all I can.

I've been granted a glimpse into the present by a messenger from the past and search for an application to the future; the entry who stands tall in the shadow of its title.

In this coma, sleepless dancing, we've been treading air.

You've been dancing through my mind like cherry blossoms in the warm summer wind. I've found myself in caught in a universe where time does not exist. My feet, barely floating above the ground, move on their own accord. The sun hangs high in a cloudless sky without movement as if hypnotized and waiting for instruction. I find my reflection in a mirror of water whose surface is so still one would think they could walk on it only to discover that my eyes are closed. I see myself blinded by my own doing with the cure in my own hands but unable to administer the treatment to grant sight. Why won't they open? What are they waiting to see?

I'll strike a match and burn away every tie that binds me to this place.

Waves of fuchsia flow before my eyes; coincidentally fitting seeing as fusion is the catalyst to such a vision. This pale surface is deceivingly white for it is not devoid of life merely masked by concepts of death. It's existence is itself a contradiction for what is existence but a concept created by consciousness with which the thinker is burdened. Swiftly drifting side to side almost eerily were it not for its pure grace the boundaries between these planes remain just barely out of sight. I shall take this place into my hands and light the flames that will consume it until there is nothing left to remember it by except smoldering ash and the remnants that will forever stay within the mind. I will take myself by the hair and drag my body to the land of cerulean where it may awaken under the warmth of the stars. Trickle into the earth and release a breath of new life only to close your eyes and drift the another dream.

There are lessons that teach us to just be yet we still search for meanings in obscurity. Though truth can be found buried deep within to find the end you must know where to begin.