It hit me. The anxiety. The insecurity. The busy busy mind that makes it hard to differentiate between the rational and the irrational. The fears. The insomnia.
My eyes are so heavy, which is cool because it matches the feeling in my chest so at least we have some continuity. But every vein and artery, and even every little capillary, are all pulsating so intensely that I can feel my heartbeat under my skin - all of it - which incidentally makes it difficult to sleep.
This shit is so subtle. It sneaks up and feels like it's nothing and things are fine and you are fine and then suddenly it is like when the it gets foggy in a zombie apocalypse movie and everyone knows some shit is about to go down and faces are going to get eaten and everyone is sitting there in anticipation for the inevitable - when the zombies come out of the fog and there is no end to them in sight because you can't even see anything. How do you clear the fog? I want to know where these zombies are coming from and how many I have to defeat.
Fuck. My brain is in awful shape (not really, I'm just being dramatic, although it definitely doesn't feel very nice in there).
Fuck.
I'm filling out the 2020 Census.
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