That single word would have sufficed when instead I used thousands in an attempt to describe an indescribable feeling. I should have given up on that. I just needed to say where I was in that moment; I was stuck.
(Can we just take a moment to look at that word and read it in our heads a bunch of times until it sounds weird and looks weird - like it doesn't belong and that it's not a real word? ...Stuck... Does this happen to anyone else, or is that just me? Sometimes I fixate on a word until it feels weird to look at and to say. I'll start to feel a little gross inside. Actually...this is starting to sound more and more like one of my neuroses. Forget it. Let's get back to that existentialism bullshit.)
So here I am. No fires are burning. No ghosts are in my bed except my own on the nights I irrationally choose the couch. (Seriously, though...why do I do that?) I'm not wrapped up in self-pity. Things are pretty good when it comes to my mental state. So why am I not moving forward?
I've searched thoroughly through the halls of my mind over and over again wondering what I am afraid of, or if I am just incapable. I've been here before...but, actually, this is my first time. This time it's different, because I have long since addressed both of those concerns. So now what?
What am I missing?
Why am I still here?
It happened...again.
I am stuck.
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